I’m not immune to having periods of time when I feel frustrated, anxious, or get in my own head (which isn’t always the best place to be!).
This past week was one of those where the Universe kept throwing the same thing, over and over, and it had me questioning a lot…
Over the weekend, I found myself reflecting on not one, not two, but several occasions during the week when I was questioned about the “correctness” of my words or actions.
I find walking a great way to shake things off, so my weekend walking buddy helped me unpack all the things rolling around in my head; the usual questioning (maybe I did say or do the wrong thing even though I’m pretty sure it was okay), second-guessing my professionalism (is it wrong that nobody else does it this way even though I think this works better), and wondering (a lot) about who gets to make the rules about what is “correct” – the person it directly impacts or an, albeit well-meaning, stranger who’s read all the tick lists?
Here’s the thing….
I passionately believe we have a duty to be educated. To be respectful and aware of how our words and actions impact others. To be culturally sensitive. And to learn the terminology others prefer.
When I work with organisations, I make it my business to be across any sensitive information. I speak with organisers about any triggering subjects. I make it clear that we don’t always reach a hard outcome because holding space for people to explore or sit with their experiences can be more powerful than ploughing towards outcomes. And being open to feedback is also really important.
But I’m also curious.
Is “correctness” starting to erode “connection”?
This week I was stopped several times to be corrected in ways that impacted not only my connection with individuals in the room but also shifted the connection I have with my own intentions, my work, and professional knowledge.
I worry that the pressure to be perfect or to follow a prescribed set of “rules” (that don’t always reflect what individuals actually think, feel, or want) is creating a hesitation and wariness that stops us from deeply connecting with ourselves and with others.
The fear of repercussion stops us from asking questions that would grow our understanding, from being present, or from holding space for other people’s needs.
In correcting, you’re listening more closely for how things are being communicated than what is being communicated.
I am human. You’re human. We’re all human.
I truly believe we do humanness best when we’re supported to be our respectful, educated, imperfect best. Not ticking boxes or trying to control everything.
I’d love to hear if you’ve ever experienced this or if you have a different point of view.
Bel
Every Sunday afternoon, Bel sends the Ignite community a personal note of encouragement – reflection, inspiration, stories, and sharing. It’s our way of helping you prepare for the week ahead. Add your details here to receive Here’s The Thing in your inbox.