While I know these types of posts have good intentions and are from a place of care, they are one of the reasons that I have to switch off this Sunday.
The lead up to father’s day is a tricky time – being sold to constantly over the last few weeks brings grief to the surface, rumbling of dread and hoping that fathers day comes and goes lightning fast.
These posts acknowledge all the different scenarios that people will be experiencing on Sunday as its certainly not all beers and skittles for everyone but I wonder if the intention is lost.
I have a response to these posts as it can feel like it’s trying to make everyone feel better – to smooth over the reality and cover all bases. Yes it is about ‘I see you’ and wanting to be inclusive but there is no denying that some days are hard and the loss is felt a little bit more. Some people may really like it and find some comfort but for me, I just want to switch off.
While this is the 36th Father’s day without my Dad (3/4 of my life) it doesn’t change the fact that he had a huge influence on my life and that the space is still felt.
The thing is, this loss is integrated into everyday and is carried as part of you, not just on Father’s day. And who knows what reactions will happen on Sunday, some ‘special days’ are easier than others.
It can be the non public days where it feels hard, like birthdays, anniversaries, milestones, and those moments when you hear a song, smell something that reminds you of them, see a sign that takes you back or something pops up unexpectedly.
A couple of weeks ago during a comedy show they were talking about the death of their father and you know what was wonderful, my friend whispered to me how are you going with this? That is the consideration that feels connected in the moments where someone acknowledges that it could be challenging – FYI – it didn’t even touch the sides but the sentiment and care was felt in an everyday moment.
I am interested in how people feel about these types of posts and acknowledgements, I do absolutely know that people don’t mean any harm, its actually the opposite. And it is highly possible that my toxic positivity radar is on overdrive especially on these ‘happy happy days’ where my loss is felt.
The reality is what it is and these pivotal life experiences and the 1000s of stories that have been shared with me inform my work where I advocate for all of the feelings not just the ones that make us and others comfortable. There is also no one size fits all.
And please let me know what helps you on these days.
If you are celebrating Fathers day – go for it – soak up the banter, the love, the dad jokes and be in the moment. The rest of us will be waiting for Monday, where the sun will come up just like it has everyday since life changed forever.
Without Dad
