Last weekend, I attended one of the most beautiful funerals I have ever been to.
As soon as I arrived, I knew it would be different, unique, and deeply personal. Bunches of leaves hung like bunting across the bush setting, a piece of redgum for the altar, old trucks parked nearby with their tailgates down holding a lunch we would all share afterwards, live music, drums, chairs, rugs and cushions circling a wicker coffin that had mushroom bouquets instead of flowers.
The ceremony that followed was also truly personal and unique.
Supported by a minister who, knowing this wasn’t his usual crowd, was unapologetic about bringing faith and religion into the service. He didn’t pretend to know Jack, but instead honoured those in the room who did. He held space so those who had lived the experience could have their voices heard, respectfully, safely and without judgment. And then he adapted the homily in real time to reflect what he’d heard and felt in those stories.
He gently guided people so they could honour, celebrate, and remember in ways that were honest and reflected everyone’s unique relationship with him: nature, engines, music, food, friendship, deeply personal rituals, and connecting in ceremony.
There was no fitting into a ‘standard’ way of doing things or following the ‘rules’. It simply went where people needed it to go.
Over the past few days, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting (yet again!) on the incredible power of being open, curious, and letting things unfold in the ways they need to. Being reminded that all too often, in an attempt to do what is ‘right’ or ‘standard’, we let the scaffolding that was designed to support us become more important than the connections and humans in the room. The importance of ceremony, ritual, and community. The healing that comes from creating brave spaces where we can be honest and unfiltered.
I would love to know if you’ve ever experienced something like this, an event (not necessarily a funeral) where a facilitator, speaker, or celebrant has been responsive and let the room guide the outcomes rather than letting the outcomes guide the room.
Bel x
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