Sometimes we interpret someone else’s reaction as one thing when in reality it’s disguising something altogether different below the surface.
This time of the year can stir up a wild mix of emotions. Many people quietly carry feelings of pressure, loss, loneliness, grief, exhaustion, fear or uncertainty about the year ahead.
On the surface, these emotions can show-up in ways that others mistake or feel uncomfortable with….
Tears that keep flowing.
Hilarious delirium and high energy.
Helplessness.
Avoidance.
Procrastination.
Frustration.
Huffy puffy breaths.
Silent treatment.
Personal attacks or blame.
Old stories or scenarios on repeat.
It’s easy to take other people’s behaviour on face value and assume what you see is the full story when there’s actually far more going on below the surface.
If you dive a little deeper for a moment (with a snorkel of curiosity and compassion) and look for the person behind the response, there’s a high chance something else is trying to be communicated.
Most responses stem from wanting to be seen, heard, acknowledged, and a need to feel safe.
When someone responds in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable or challenged, here are three ways you can open the (real-life) conversation to shift your understanding of the emotion behind the reaction:
💙 How can I support you with what is happening?
💙 I see you’re overwhelmed/scared/worried/tired. What was happening for you?
💙 I felt like ______________ but I’m wondering what was happening for you?
If we only ever see what sits above the waterline, we miss the opportunity to discover the story underneath.
Here’s to a week full of human connection, care and accepting everyday humaning.
Bel
PS: I’d love to help your team have different conversations and connect more deeply with their colleagues and clients with creative team building and workplace communication workshops. Find out more HERE.
Lighting Me Up This Week
Something that sparked wonder and creativity that you might ponder and enjoy.
I’m in Sydney this week delivering a combination of two of my favourite keynote presentations to a dynamic not-for-profit team. My noise-cancelling earphones (and music) are the only thing getting me through the sensory overload of airports, train trips, and traffic. What’s your go-to for self-regulation and getting through times (or situations) you find overwhelming?
Every Sunday afternoon, Bel sends the Ignite community a personal note of encouragement – reflection, inspiration, stories, and sharing. It’s our way of helping you prepare for the week ahead. Add your details here to receive Here’s The Thing in your inbox.