The Fault in our Stars

Ignite Life
June 11, 2014

Last night I went and saw the movie ‘the fault in our stars’ and all I can say is WOW! This movie is full of themes and quotes that leave an imprint. I almost don’t know where to begin as the moments are endless but I am going to start with the opening and throughout the week revisit other snapshots from this movie. Don’t worry I am not going to spoil the movie for those that haven’t seen it as I recommend that each person experiences it for themselves

The voice over from the opening scene says

“I believe we have a choice in this world about how to tell sad stories. On the one hand you can sugar coat it, where nothing is too mixed up that it can’t be fixed with a Peter Gabriel song. I like that version as much as the next girl does, it’s just not the truth. This is the truth…”

One of the reasons that I love what I do is that my client can be who they need to be – they can be their truth. So whether they need to express things that are unacceptable in the ‘real world’, are not able to be themselves fully as that would upset family and friend or don’t want the spotlight on them when they let the barriers down – it is ok in the art therapy space as it is safe to do so.

So often, we feel the need to put a mask on that says I am coping, everything is fine yet in reality there is immense pain and fear in every breath. Is it that we think people want to believe that all is well so we do it for them, that we want to go unnoticed have as little drama as possible and just need to get through this public appearance, saving the reality for private.

Whatever it is, I think that as witness to other peoples pain and tough experiences I have come to realise a few things. Without getting on a soap box, I want these points to be considered when someone shows you their truth…

Emotion needs to be felt – the more it is hidden and tucked away the more it festers, explodes or dishonours what is happening for the person. Let people feel what needs to be felt even if it is uncomfortable for you.

Words cannot smooth feelings over, in fact it is insulting to come out with cliché lines like ‘things happen for a reason’ as it totally discounts what the person is feeling. Let them be sad, angry, upset if that is what they need to be.

When someone feels safe enough with you to be vulnerable that is not for the headlines. It is not a competition to see who has that person cry on their shoulders the most, or is a topic of conversation when you are having a wine or two. Keep that trust and safety for the person rather than it being news on the grapevine.

I could go on but I think that is enough for now.

The truth is that life is not sugar coated. Pain is experienced on lots of different levels and the reason why I love this movie so much is that faces that reality of life. I recommend that you make it your business to see the fault in our stars’ as it will have an impact. I would love to hear how it was for you – just remember to pack the tissues.



If you or someone that you know is needing to have a safe space to express their truth, feel free to give me a call to arrange an appointment. Ph 0403 826 730