| Thanks to the admirable Brene Brown the phrase ‘clear is kind’ lives rent-free in my head. However, as with most things two things can be true at one time and whilst I 100% agree with Brene, being ‘clear’ can also be really challenging. On Monday night I had the pleasure of hosting a panel that focused on how to share lived experience stories clearly, with purpose and compassion (for ourselves and our audiences). My fellow panel members included Taimi Allan (the Mental Health Commissioner for South Australia) and Marc Ryan (stand-up comedian, Fringe performer, and the human behind The Beautiful Bogan) – I know right, look at me hanging out with the cool kids!! Taimi and Marc shared lots of great stories, anecdotes and tips but one thing consistently wove its way through the conversation and that is how important it is to clearly communicate what we need to stay emotionally and psychologically safe and how vital it is to provide clear boundaries to protect our energy and time. Doing so is without a doubt being kind to ourselves – but also shows kindness towards others. But here’s the thing … It seems so simple, right? We ask our kids, our partners, and our work colleagues all the time “Just tell me what I can do to be helpful”, yet we rarely ever do it for ourselves. For most of us, me included, figuring out what we need, communicating ways we can be safe, or stringing up firm boundaries is really, really hard. Most of us have spent our lives marinating in stories that it’s selfish to outline what we need, that we really should put everyone else first before thinking of ourselves, that we don’t want to cause a fuss, that we feel guilty if we put people out, afraid to upset people, and that we most certainly shouldn’t burden others with our problems (even just calling them problems is a problem in and of itself but that’s a thing for a whole other week!). Some of us have lived experiences of communicating our needs only to have been let down (or shot down) so we don’t bother to try (because what’s the point). Or we believe we need to be independent at all costs, that receiving help is weak, or we’re unworthy of accepting support. I don’t think there’s a human alive that hasn’t at some point believed that outlining their boundaries will be construed as being rude or that clearly and directly asking for what they need will come across as demanding. On Monday night I was reminded that most people actually want to help and support others. But people aren’t mind readers. They don’t know what you need unless you tell them and sometimes it needs further explanation. Unless you clearly communicate what you need and what’s expected of them they will continue to believe you don’t need anything from them or are left guessing in how to support you. What you need for you is important. Start by practising with the small things. I go to my local bakery most mornings for my caffeine fix, it is often busy and noisy – anyone with sensory issues will appreciate how the competing sounds send me through the roof. One day I decided to ask if they could bring my order out to me on the footpath so I could wait away from the noise and stop myself from becoming completely discombobulated (I love that word!) which would keep me in a heightened state all day. In the moment it felt like an extreme act of vulnerability and bravery asking for that simple thing I needed to ensure one small transaction didn’t snowball into a day-long disaster (I’m pretty sure bungee jumping would have felt less terrifying!). Of course, they happily agreed and continue to bring my order out to me on the footpath when its too much – no judgment, no guilt, no discombobulation – just coffee and cakey goodness. As we head into the week ahead << Test First Name >>, think about the boundaries you would like to set and the things you need to protect your time and energy – how would you feel if you had the courage to clearly communicate just one of those things? I’d love you to hit reply and share what you’re going to be asking for this week to support your mental health and wellbeing. Here’s to a week of good human-ing. Here’s the thing is our weekly Wellbeing and wonderings for your week ahead coming to your inbox to ponder and get some inspo for the week – want to join in the fun? Sign up here Here’s The Thing Sign Up – IGNITE Wellbeing co. |
Here’s the thing – Clear is kind
